For my Auntie Helen

A lovely photo of my Dad, Granny and Aunties Clare and Helen. Helen is the one on the far left.

As many of you know, my Auntie Helen passed away on 12th May this year due to a brain haemorage (I honestly do not give a shit if I spelt that wrong)at the age of 37. How my family, Helen's husband John's family and all Helen's friends and loved ones have managed to pull through this disastrous experience has amazed me, because for me Helen's funeral yesterday was undoubtedly the toughest day of my life.

Living away from home, I was not able to see Helen as much as I wanted to while she was in her coma and suffering due to uni and work commitments in Southampton. However I did manage to get time off work when i could to see my auntie in hospital, hold her hand and talk to her. Experiences I will cherish everyday and never forget.

Helen was an absolutely fucking wonderful woman. She was a fantastic mother to her daughter Ciara, a supportive and loving wife to her husband John and a fun, a kind sister to my Dad and Auntie Clare and a superb friend to many. She was a horror enthusiast just like my dad and I and was an amazing artist with a superb zest for life. Never one to grumble, complain or make a fuss, despite her epilepsy, Helen lived life to the full. Travelling, socialising and forever doing her amazing drawings.

They say only the good die young, well nothing could be more true with regards to Helen, at just 38, the fact that she's not with us anymore breaks my heart. I hope to whoever's reading this that you never have to lose a loved one or experience what my family have been through in the last three months. As much as it amazes people how strong they can be, the feeling of loss is unbelieveably crushing.

Helen's funeral on monday was both a beautiful and heartbreaking day. Male relatives were given exquisite corsages of rainbow roses (which I'm later getting tattooed) and the reading's by my Dad, her sister in law Louise and John were some of the most moving things I've ever heard. God knows how they managed to get up there and read coherently, as I read a biblical passage at the start of the service and couldn't keep the tears in.

As we saw our last glimpse of the coffin at the crematorium, music from Helen's favourite films Edward Scissorhands, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Beauty and the Beast was playing. Music that I cant listen to know without breaking down.

Auntie Helen there is so much I would love to say to you. Thank you for being a fucking amazing sister to my dad, passing on your awesome artistic talents to Holly. Thank you for letting me be a bridesmaid at your wedding. Thank you for all the Jack Daniels you got me for my birthdays, thank you for all the trips and outings we went on when I was little, the cinema, shopping, picnics with mum.

I promise I'll be the best niece I can to you even though you're gone, as I know you're still there watching over me. I promise to look after Dad, Clare, John and Ciara and everyone else. I love you, I miss you, I'll never forget you,

Your Niece Eilish xxxxx